Dear Diary, *June 10th, 2018.*
Some days are just so blessed that you have no choice than to spend your day with GT Bank.
The online platform won’t work and there is an emergency transfer to be made; then the bank has the guts to hold your money by a debit alert from the previous day and in a mysterious way, did not credit the other person.
As if that is not enough, if you are like Sazzy you will use the ATM, take your money and dash the machine your card like it is totally useless. To crown all the devil’s effort to frustrate you mentally, one useless indecipherable alert will just enter….heyyy God….I was in no mood to comprehend whether it was a real one or spam, I had already begun to breathe heavily, my pulse was fluctuating erratically like a pendulum….my money oooo, my money….GTBank….my money!
Like a mad woman, I left Block 2 and dashed to the bank. Damn this bank and its queue. For heaven’s sake, the queue started from the security door. The inside of the banking hall resembled Mile 12 market…. Yet I had no choice, due to the problem at hand, I had to join the queue at three different ends. To pay, to complain and use fast track. The fast track was the most horrific queue because it wasn’t fast. Silent tears flowed. My money, my money ooooooo ….I lamented to myself.
I began to talk to myself, what is the problem of this Bank? I don’t get it…go there at 8 am, you’ll see crowd! 12 pm, you’ll meet Crowd! Even at 3 pm crowd go still dey, wetin!
My eyes were already red. I could feel the anger in my brain. All of a sudden, I hated the GT Bank orange and grey colour, all their bank officers that wore that the *737* shirt and by this time even the letter G. I closed my eyes…..saving my volcanic eruption moment for the unfortunate customer care officer that will answer me today!
That was how one Agbada’d man walked in and majestically strolled to the front. He just jumped the queue as if others didn’t exist. See me see trouble, the front o! Not even ordinary front, but front, front. If you see the roar in my voice, it came out like thunder, the way God said, “Let there be light and there was light”, I growled, my frennn will you get out of dia! Totally disregarding his agbada and age. The man looked at me and my red eyes said it all. He immediately turned and exited the bank, shaking his head all the way out, in that sho o mo age mi ni. Mcheew, I hissed and muttered o beta!
Interestingly, though I was the one that got mad, all by myself; I was the one that began to console myself while staring at that bloody alert from my phone. Chai! I was number one million and one on the queue. I reasoned with myself that at least it was way better than having to wait for that Skye Bank server that will embark on a journey like a snail…..and never return till you leave the banking hall.
Oh God, help me……….. I bent my head in hopelessness.
Then I saw them, those hot shoes, mint green, adorning that shiny skin, with one leg placed in front of the other, wow!!! I was dazed by her presence. I had seen nothing better than this shapely figure all day. I stared. I could almost slap myself for staring, yet I kept at it, piercing her with my look. Wow! You know, when this kind of Asanwa enters the building, the Mile 12 crowd in the banking hall is bound to part like the red sea. I wouldn’t dare complain unless she took my space sha. And I forgot about my anger.
She had a comely figure yet was stem-thin. Her complexion had this impeccable tint, abi was it GTB orange colour? I really can’t tell. Her makeup was so perfectly done, I could see her pencil-thin eyebrows ease down gently to her sweeping eyelashes as she stepped out of the security door. No one could have worn it better on a Friday morning.
My God, how could you create someone so fine like this? A sculptor could not have fashioned her seraph’s ears that gently held those long earrings and pixie’s nose any better. I thought to myself, Sazzy, you think you have a white set of teeth?
When she walked towards me and gave that megawatt smile, her luminous, heavenly moulded to perfection white set of teeth flashed at me when she said in her dulcet voice as sweet as any songbird, “please could you borrow me your pen?” That stern and wicked countenance that I had held on to all day for the purpose of warding off all intending borrowers of my pen, immediately disappeared.
I instantly gave it to her, still staring, her teeth really did light up the room….in fact, the whole of GT Bank glowed. Definitely, God created this one on Sunday.
Wawu, she must be an ***** before I completed my thought, the irritant beside me, said, is the pen not working? Take my own, thrusting his scrawny looking biro into the poor lady’s hand, I was like did she beg you? Shameless man, your mates are donating assurance, you are donating biros mcheew.
My phone rang…..Sazzy, I have seen the alert. Thank you. That eased my stress a lot, but then I remembered the suspicious alert. I left that queue to go to the customer care one I had reserved.
Just as I was minding my damn business walking in a hurry to get to the other queue, I passed Asanwa, then I heard something drop – it was my pen, Asanwa bent down to pick the pen from the floor, and all I heard was a silent kpa and time froze………. I waited for it, then I heard the sheeere re re re re re re re re re re…….
Tiny sparkling beads flowed, dominating the floor. I did not understand what kind of magic was going on. As the mint green shoe moved asymmetrically, I kept on hearing the sheeere re re re re re re re re re re music……. and I saw the tiny sparkling beads GLO with pride, they followed her everywhere she went, filling the banking hall…..haaaaaa!!!!!
I immediately knew what went wrong. Her waist beads had cut, flowed out from her skirt like a river and then filled the banking hall for us all to see. The beads couldn’t be hidden. They were sparkling and attractive but if you stepped on them, you could fall.
That was how the GT bank Mile 12 market scattered. Everyone raced to the rescue but was confused on how to really help her. I asked myself, so I bend down and pick them up or just say sorry? Both could be humiliating.
The busybodies who as fellow women, should have minded their business, left their spaces and the seated ones quickly stood up to publicly shame, rather, console the damsel in distress. I swiftly moved up the queue, directed the customer care agent’s attention to me and blocked my ATM to ensure that no kobo fraudulently left my account. I made it crystal clear, that I wanted no transaction for that day and the weekend.
There! I was done.
Next thing I did, was to open GT’s security door and told Asanwa to leave the place like I was her mommy. She instantly obeyed. The both of us entered through the same door and left the Banking hall together.
I just saved a damsel in distress.