Dear Diary, Raguel – My Guardian Angel
June 7, 2024
I often wonder how God stays entertained in heaven after the elders, angels, and countless beings finish their morning routine of praise, chanting “HOLY, HOLY, HOLY is the Lord.”
I believe we humans amuse God with our tantrums, making Him either happy or boiling mad. He might call out to Angel Michael—“Michael!”—who, like an efficient personal assistant, would be ready to confirm if he should use his sword to dismember the earth or command other angels to scare us back into our senses.
Thank God for not sending Michael, because he fought and banished Lucifer, the greatest angel, out of heaven. Imagine what he would do to mere mortals!
Then there’s Angel Gabriel. Oh, Gabriel. I have my eyes on you too. With all the bowing and thrones in heaven, I imagine Gabriel trying to over-impress God by delivering messages with extra flair. “Oh, great Gabriel, the master of divine email,” I’d say sarcastically.
In this divine hierarchy, God handpicks any angel to be your guardian angel. God bless you if your guardian angel likes to make you a fantabulous scapegoat. And in this case, that scapegoat is me—Olu. My life must be quite entertaining to God, but please, don’t let it be too exciting; I don’t want to be impaled or boiled because this guardian angel you gave me will certainly not mind. This guardian angel is a PAIN IN THE ASS.
Dear people of God, ask me what he did. I believe the angel is a HE or a SHE, whatever. What did He do?
The Exam Saga
I am very convinced God assigned us angels to guide and guard us—particularly stubborn people like me, who get the best—archangels. Let’s call my guardian angel Archangel Raguel. Raguel is like that ever-persistent parent who reminds you about everything, particularly that thing you are to do at the time you don’t want to do it. This time it was my exam. He would constantly harass me to study, when all I wanted to do was binge-watch Netflix, go on Instagram or YouTube to watch AGT or BGT, or even help all my friends to genuinely waste their time just as I have done with mine.
For weeks, Raguel had been nudging me to study for my let’s say “Quantum Banana Theory exam”. “Olu, you need to start studying now,” he’d say in his angelic, calm voice. The voice isn’t even strong enough for me to know he is speaking. You know that type of devil’s strong voice when he wants us to not do the right thing? Raguel doesn’t have it. I have never seen this type of adverse voice relationship for an angel in my entire life. In fact, when he speaks, I choose to sleep, or I will say, “Relax, Raguel,” “I’ve got plenty of time.” 99.9% of the time I’m replying, lounging on my bed.
Days turned into weeks, and suddenly, I found myself with only two days before the exam.
It was only then that Raguel, looking exasperated, said and put it in my heart that, “Olu, now you have to study!” I too felt his anxiety because what will He tell God? That I failed? God forbid!
So, I grabbed my 400-page textbook with only 36 hours and crammed like my life depended on it. My brain was buzzing from all the information on quantum bananas, and I barely slept. Raguel watched me suffer with a mix of amusement and concern till my brain could not take in any longer, not even a letter more. Oh, I prayed so much, “O Angel of God, my guardian dear, you know I love you, don’t shame me – guide me – don’t let me waste my effort.” I would chant this at intervals till I got the satisfaction of covering the 400-page textbook – back-to-back and recalling every piece of information digested.
Finally, the day of the exam arrived. I walked into the exam hall, confident and ready to regurgitate every single fact about quantum bananas with my guardian angel beside me – this angel specifically assigned by God to “rule and guide me”. Can you all see that I did my very best as humanly possible?
But guess what? Not a single question from the 400 pages I had crammed appeared on the exam paper. #MeuDeus. It was as if the exam was designed by someone who had never even heard of quantum bananas!
I barely scraped through – thank God for common sense plus experience, and if I hadn’t studied at all, I probably would have even been more relaxed to perform better. As I walked out of the hall, Raguel was there, waiting with a smirk. Oh, I was so furious, so furious; if I saw a bucket of water, I would pour it on him so his shining wings, which were so proud in the air as I walked out of the exam hall, would dim a bit.
Oh, I was furious as we headed home. So, I said, “What’s this? Why are you smirking?” I was fuming, chronologically, putting all his offences in my head as I would tell it to God in prayer. “I mean, Raguel, you cannot bribe me, I am reporting you to God and all the elders of heaven and all the choirs of angels. You won’t even believe it”.
As I was fuming, as if he had read my thoughts, with his arms crossed, looking like a warlord of heaven, he said, “Nice one, Olu.” “I told you to start studying weeks ago.”
In a fit of rage, I replied, “Oh, so now it’s my fault?” “You’re my guardian angel! You should have warned me that none of that stuff would be on the exam!” I shot back.
“I did warn you to study earlier,” Raguel retorted. “Maybe if you’d listened, you wouldn’t have had to cram and stress out.”
I glared at him. “You’re supposed to guide me, not let me fry my brain for nothing. See, all these explanations you are doing, save it. I’m reporting you to God. ‘O angel of God, my guardian dear, to whom God’s love commits me here, ever this day be at my side to light and guard, to rule and guide, Amen. My foot!‘ Let me just tell you, you failed at your job today, mister! You faileddddd”. I growled as I opened the door to my apartment.
Raguel sighed. “Olu, I’m here to help you learn, not do the work for you. Maybe next time, you’ll listen to my advice.”
“Yeah, well, I’m still reporting you!” “You can’t talk your way out of this and please stop speaking to me”. I retorted as I stomped my two small feet off to my room.
Oh, I was inconsolable – where will I pour this 400 pages of Quantum Bananas? I didn’t even have to study for the exam. Couldn’t He have said it?
So, I waited for my reporting hour – clearly not speaking to Raguel.
I couldn’t approach God in prayer with this kind of foul mood, so I quickly knelt down and said, “Thank you, Lord, for the food we eat; thank you, Lord, for the birds that sing, and thank you, Lord, for everything.” Then I dived in, “God, you’ve got to do something about Raguel. He let me cram for an exam that had nothing from the 400 pages I studied. He totally failed at his job! Please call him before your judgment throne and just punish him for me. Punish him very well for these 400 pages of uncountable words dancing in my head”.
Meanwhile, up in heaven, God summoned Raguel for a little chat. The court of angels gathered, curious about the commotion between Olu and Raguel – it certainly was not the first of such summons.
God, with a twinkle in His eye, asked Raguel, “What’s this I hear about you failing Olu?”
Raguel, looking slightly embarrassed, replied, “Well, I did try to get her to study earlier, but she wouldn’t listen. I figured she needed to learn the hard way.”
The angels and elders burst into laughter. Even God chuckled, “The hard way? Explain. “If Olu is not made to understand, how would the hard lessons be the most memorable – she has a brain like a Pentium gold, the more memorable, the better for her.”
God said, “Don’t let her hear you. You can see she is pained and heartily reporting you to everyone right here, she has even asked me to reassign you. So, what are you going to do about it and make it up to her? You know her anger lasts only but a moment. She won’t remember by morning now that she has said it.” Raguel said, “My God, I will console her and make sure it never happens again; even if I have to put some pepper in her eyes, I will.” God said, “Okay, do what you have to do, but take out the pepper part; I don’t want her storming my throne with another report about you. HR won’t find it funny” (HR is Mary-Queen of Heaven).
Back to me, concluding my prayer, with “Thank you, Lord for being a just God. Thank you for finding a final solution to Raguel. Thank you for dealing with him mercilessly for me. All these I ask in the mighty name of Jesus, Amen.”
As I opened my eyes, guess the first thing I saw? R.A.G.U.E.L.
Raguel added, “Thank you, Lord for making Olu realise that I’m always here to guide her, but she just has to meet me halfway. Next time, maybe she will trust my nudges a bit more in Jesus’ mighty name I have prayed, Amen.”
I, feeling a bit sheepish but still annoyed, replied, “Fine, but you could have given me a heads-up about the actual exam content! That’s the least you can do.” Raguel added, “You mean I should tell you the exam questions?” I replied, “Isn’t that part of your job description? Please don’t let me add HR to this conversation. We just settled this big fight; we should be happy. Raguel, I am tired, and I need to sleep. Please just stand by my head – don’t even move, I don’t want to hear stories about my safety when I wake up. My flatmates have finally gone mad.”
God, smiling in heaven, spoke to my heart, “Remember, Olu, continue to develop a daily relationship with Raguel,” and this reminded me of what St. Josemaría Escrivá once said, ‘“Have confidence in your guardian angel. Treat him as a very dear friend – that’s what he is – and he will do a thousand services for you in the ordinary affairs of each day.” – The Way, 562
And so, I’ve resolved to be more diligent and heed the advice of my ever-persistent guardian angel. After all, he’s there to light and guide me, even if I don’t always make it easy for him.
Until next time,
Raguel’s best friend,
Did you read “God — My flatmate”? you can find it here https://oluwatoyosiabikoye.com/god-my-flatmate/