June 17, 2024 – Adulthood: The Myth of Common Sense

“Adulthood is 90% common sense. In fact, this author dares to say that 90% of adults actually lack this essential feature of adulthood called common sense. I wonder, how do we survive?”

Dear Diary,

Today’s musings arise from a profound realisation: Adulthood is supposed to be 90% common sense. But, let’s face it, 90% of adults actually lack this essential feature of adulthood called common sense. Forgive me if I am done questioning people’s sanity. My adult life has shocked me so much, I don’t think I’ve got any more shock absorbers left. Now, I just have the “nooo-you-are-not-as-stupid-as-that” sort of look.

Firstly, let’s examine the various evidence I have encountered in the nine hours since the dawn of today. Take the supermarket, for instance. I was there to pick up an item. You’d think the express lane, with its big sign that reads “10 items or less,” is self-explanatory. Yet, here come “Mr & Mrs Bull-Head” with a trolley full of groceries, confidently pushing through. “Oh, I didn’t see the sign,” they say. Really? Did you not see the sign, or did you just forget to pack your common sense this morning? Which, of course, we know is hogwash!

Then there’s the classic corporate scenario. You’re in a meeting, discussing the latest project, and there’s always that one person who suggests something so impractical, it makes you question their sanity. “What if we just did the entire project in one day?” they propose, as if we all have secret superpowers we’ve been hiding. Thanks, João, but unless we’re secretly time travellers, that’s not going to happen.

Next, don’t get me started on driving or the zebra crossing. I firmly believe that the road is the ultimate testing ground for common sense, and it’s a test many fail spectacularly, leaving my eyes wide as saucers. There’s always that one driver who believes the appropriate reaction to a yellow light or a pedestrian on a zebra crossing is to accelerate to light speed. I think a lot of people mentally contemplate murder when they drive in this town. Or the person who thinks indicators are optional, as if signalling their intentions would reveal national secrets. I’m tempted to greet them as “Your Royal Devastatingness, do you have bail money?”

Moreover, at home, the battle for common sense continues. Flatmates are a perfect case study. “I left the milk out overnight. Is it still good?” asks the person who apparently skipped the basic life skills class. I used to think there were some things we need not ask. Of all the stupid, bull-headed— Alas, I find myself saying very politely, “No, Ariel, it’s not a new kind of yogurt; it’s just spoiled milk.” I don’t know how long I can keep my violent impulses in check.

And let’s not forget about the perennial debate over expiration dates. “It’s just a suggestion,” they say, as they prepare to eat something that’s been in the fridge since last Christmas. Spoiler alert: expiration dates are not the place to showcase your bohemian trait—they mean something! I almost believe even the producers are not utterly truthful about them. And if you say that’s because I think too much about consumables like a mentally deficient sheep, I’m disowning all of you readers.

As a student, I see this phenomenon in full swing every day. There’s always that one person who tries to cram an entire semester’s worth of information into one night. “I’ll just pull an all-nighter,” they say, armed with energy drinks and false hope. The next day, they’re a zombie, and the only thing they’ve achieved is a caffeine overdose and a spectacular failure. We may even have to haul some of them out of the exam hall. What a shame!

Similarly, that student who believes the tech world is a joke. “I don’t need to back up my files,” says the overconfident Millennial. Until their computer crashes and they lose everything. Common sense suggests regular backups, but that’s just too much to ask in our world, isn’t it?

Researchers aren’t immune, either. “Let’s test this hypothesis by running the experiment just once,” suggests the overconfident researcher. Brilliant idea—except for the part where science requires replication. Now we’re stuck with results as reliable as a politician’s promise, which, of course, gets nobody anywhere.

Furthermore, friends are a goldmine of common-sense faux pas. “I’ll just text my ex to see how they’re doing,” says the friend who apparently forgot the emotional rollercoaster of their breakup. Spoiler: IT NEVER ENDS WELL. Or the friend who thinks mixing all their leftover alcohol into one drink is a genius idea. “It’s called a cocktail!” No, it’s called a disaster waiting to happen. Now, they’ve begun to moan like a sickened cow.

Even social media isn’t safe from the common-sense vacuum. People share chain messages warning of non-existent dangers or post questionable “life hacks” that are more likely to result in a visit to the emergency room than a moment of convenience. “Rub mayonnaise on your scalp to promote hair growth!” I desperately want to grow my edges, but, Sister, there’s a limit to what my brain can permit. So, NO, Rapunzel, please don’t. Your head is not a sandwich. Now, I am begging, common sense, where art thou? #sigh.

Additionally, the work-from-home scenario is equally ripe with examples. “I can totally work in bed; it’s basically the same thing, right?” says the person who ends up napping more than working. Productivity falls headlong, and they wonder why they didn’t get anything done. Common sense would have suggested a desk, but who listens to that?

So, here’s my hypothesis: Common sense is like Wi-Fi. Some people have it, some don’t. Some people may have to tap from others, and in the process, the signal just goes missing altogether or they fail to connect to it.

In conclusion, so that you are not overwhelmed with shock, like I have been, the next time someone does something that makes you question humanity, remember that they might just be missing their Wi-Fi. Don’t be mad, just be tired and have your “nooo-you-are-not-as-stupid-as-that” kind of look. It really saves.

And finally, to those 10% of adults who possess this rare trait, thank you for holding the line.

Until next time,

Your bemused observer of the adult world,

Did you read the previous post on Raguel the guardian angel? If not, you can follow the link here https://oluwatoyosiabikoye.com/raguel-my-guardian-angel/