Surrendering to the Power of Vulnerability

Dear Diary,

October 8, 2024

Today, I want to talk about an experiment I’ve been conducting—unintentionally at first, but now with purpose. Somewhere between the chaos of daily life and moments of self-reflection, I began piecing together insights, hoping they’d lead to something meaningful. For months—perhaps years—I’ve been caught between who I thought I was and who I’m slowly becoming. This gradual evolution has been deeply personal, one I now see as a kind of social experiment—a conscious exploration of strength found in the power of vulnerability, which I hope you might find worth trying.

Growing up in a tightly knit community, I was surrounded by a culture that valued conformity over individuality, structure over freedom. There were unspoken rules, societal checks and balances that everyone, even as adults, adhered to. Friends, family—even strangers—felt entitled to guide, judge, correct, or applaud you. It was the invisible net that held us in place. Though it could be stifling, it also provided a sense of belonging.

But life has changed. I live in a world where “freedom” is often mistaken for licence—where bad behaviours are justified under the guise of independence, leaving me disoriented. I’ve seen how quickly people judge me, often long before I have a chance to speak. The ground constantly seems to shift beneath my feet. I laugh it off in my mind, knowing that as a Nigerian, humour is how we cope. But sometimes, those moments cut deeper.

Take the oratory, for example. It’s supposed to be a sanctuary, right? Yet, I’ve sat there feeling the weight of watchful eyes, or seen how some immediately clutch their belongings tighter or deliberately look away, pretending they haven’t seen me. I’ve entered spaces where I’d been invited, only to find metaphorical doors closing in front of me, shutting me out. And then there was the incident at the bus stop. I stood quietly, waiting, as a man glanced at me and sneered, stepping in front as if I were invisible, as if his presence carried more weight than mine. Such moments remind me of the poverty of mind—the hollowness that can reside in those who believe themselves superior, yet are as undesirable as broken vessels.

It stings. But it has also forced me to find resilience within. I realised these moments are both tests of my strength and opportunities to turn inward. This is where the “experiment” becomes intentional: how do I cultivate strength in the face of vulnerability?

It was then I began to understand that true power—the kind that rises with the dawn and remains unbreakable—comes from the willingness to embrace my vulnerability and trust in God completely. It’s a dangerous kind of freedom, one that requires you to release control over the things that aren’t yours to manage and instead, to lean fully on God, knowing that He holds every situation, both within and outside of your control. It’s in this surrender that I found my resilience.

This path through my Big Sister led me to the Woman’s Wholeness School, where my coach, Ifeyinwa Okafor, taught me the knowledge and skills to piece together what life had chipped away. I discovered that vulnerability and strength aren’t opposites but allies. Through this process, I became grounded, cultivating a quiet confidence—a deep-seated belief that I am, if I dare say so, the best thing since sliced bread.

Even now, I live in a reality that often feels harsh and unforgiving. But there’s beauty here, too. Despite everything, I’m learning to love myself fiercely. I’m discovering the miracle of self-compassion—the slow, sometimes painful process of nurturing oneself. It’s like cultivating a garden in a desert: challenging, but ultimately beautiful.

As I lean into self-compassion, I’ve noticed how people around me react. Some say, “Olu, you’ve changed,” as if remaining the same was ever an option for growth. Others tell me, “You seem unbothered.” And they’re right—I will never worry about a situation that God has already taken over for me. Speaking up when it matters most, regardless of how vulnerable it makes me appear, has been the most humbling, eye-opening, and rewarding experience of this season. This vulnerability has become my strength, showing me that true courage lies in showing up as I am.

This experiment—this journey—has taught me a kind of resilience that doesn’t rely on validation from others. It’s also given me the courage to create new boundaries, let go of people when necessary, and understand the seasons of friendships. I’ve come to appreciate who my true friends are, sometimes choosing to treat others as they’ve treated me—not out of vengeance, but as a kindness to myself. I’ve even learned the art of looking away when necessary, yielding to protect my peace.

When you choose to love yourself deeply, you transform not just your inner world but also the way you interact with the outer one. Love your neighbour as yourself, right? The impact may begin within, but it inevitably extends outward, in ways you may never have anticipated. The true miracle of self-love lies in our ability to embrace vulnerability with open arms. By trusting God to hold every situation, we cultivate a love that steadies us like an anchor keeps a ship steady during storms. This love guides us through an unkind world with a strength that is both powerful and gentle, resilient and indulgent. This journey isn’t just about finding peace; it’s about discovering the beauty that unfolds when we dare to be our most authentic selves.

Here’s to the remainder of the week of embracing vulnerability, cultivating self-love, and experiencing the unexpected miracles that follow.

Sincerely,

PS: You want to know more about my Coach – Ifeyinwa Okafor, you can find her here https://ifyokafor.com/

For other posts, follow this link; The Unrepentant Kissers – https://oluwatoyosiabikoye.com/the-unrepentant-kissers/ Angels on Duty: Happy Angels Season – https://oluwatoyosiabikoye.com/angels-on-duty-happy-angel-season/ Salty Surprise! – https://oluwatoyosiabikoye.com/salty-surprise/